Many of the people I have interacted with lately have been commenting about me (sometimes to my face and sometimes not) on what a grumpy, grouchy, cantankerous bass turd I have become.

I stopped — paused — the other day to ponder this development, and to consider what has caused this predicament. I have certainly not always been this way — I want to understand the process that has transformed me from a friendly and generally lighthearted soul into a sullen and ill-tempered lump of curmudgeon-like flesh.

I worry too much.

Having come to this conclusion, I decided to make a list.

In retrospect, this was (is) another in a long line of spectacularly bad decisions, but I’ll trudge on with this story none-the-freaking-less.

So, I started to contemplate and ruminate about what worries and upsets me – things that fill my mind with dread, anxiety, irritation and all manner of vexating thoughts.

Yeah, I know “vexating” is not a word – sue me…

One vital note – the items on this list are in no particular order of priority or importance; I simply jotted things down as they occurred to me. At any one time – based on the media news cycles, individual moods, and sunspot activity, items may rise to the top or sink to the bottom.

Kind of like my attitude.

Anyway, here is the list of things I worry about —

  • NSA and other unauthorized government spying on citizens
  • ISIS terror group
  • MERS virus
  • Ebola virus
  • Avian (bird) flu
  • Viruses, in general
  • Allergens
  • Socialism
  • Marxism
  • Communism
  • -isms, in general
  • Progressives
  • Takeover of the Health Care Industry by a centralized government
  • Education reform by a centralized government
  • Global warming – fact or nonsense?
  • Possible economic meltdown and devaluation of dollar
  • The Federal Reserve’s control of the dollar and the economy
  • IRS Scandal
  • The IRS, in general
  • Benghazi possible cover-up
  • North Korea and possible use of nukes
  • Iran and possible use of nukes
  • Pakistan and possible use of nukes
  • Use of nukes, in general
  • People seeking world domination
  • Afghanistan
  • Russia and Ukraine
  • Russia, anywhere
  • Chinese economy passing America in size
  • Can we trust the Chinese?
  • Manufactured racism
  • Real racism
  • Reverse racism
  • Middle East tension between Islam and Judaism
  • Syria and chemical weapons
  • Chemical weapons, in general
  • Hatred between Arabs and Persians
  • Extreme weakness of economies in Greece, Spain, Portugal, France, et cetera…
  • Spread of Islamic terror
  • Muslims in American government
  • Intelligence level in America on the decline
  • Bad Hollywood movies
  • Abortion out of control
  • US Border not secure
  • Honeybees dying
  • Bad line calls
  • NASA NEO (Near Earth Objects) colliding with Earth
  • Yellowstone Caldera
  • Volcanoes, in general
  • Nigeria
  • Africa, in general
  • Drug cartels
  • Rise in synthetic drugs
  • Targeted genetic weapons
  • Low interest rates
  • Fire ants, mosquitoes, scorpions, and brown recluse spiders
  • Illegal and Undocumented Workers
  • Benefits paid to illegal aliens which they did not earn
  • Political Corruption
  • Politics, in general
  • Government Fraud and Waste
  • Crony Capitalism
  • Drones
  • Bureau of Land Management land grab
  • Environmental Protection Agency water grab
  • Food & Drug Administration food grab
  • Excessive taxation – city, state, federal
  • Legalization of drugs
  • Rise in prescription drug abuse
  • Online Gambling
  • Stagnant economic growth
  • Massive unemployment
  • Even more massive unemployment among certain demographic groups
  • College graduates with no jobs
  • College graduates moving back home with mom & dad
  • Toll Roads
  • The Pope wanting to redistribute “benefits”
  • Fanatics of any ilk
  • Federal government control of Internet
  • Federal government control of News Media
  • Federal government, in general
  • Censorship
  • FEMA camps
  • Ceding US sovereignty to the United Nations
  • The United Nations, in general
  • Wasted billions on supposed green energy
  • Sunspot activity and solar flares
  • Changes in the Earth’s magnetic poles
  • Artificial Intelligence and Rise of the Machines
  • Federal government cannot seem to tell the truth
  • Mainstream media does not seem to care about the truth
  • Truth, in general
  • Breakdown of the basic family structure
  • Gun control
  • Sexual Orientation crisis
  • Fluoride
  • Rapidly rising food costs
  • Half the population on food stamps
  • Fast & Furious gun running
  • Gun running in the Middle East
  • Malaysia flight 370
  • Detroit bankrupt
  • Other US cities following Detroit
  • Chicago violence
  • Union corruption
  • Tenure
  • Liberal bias
  • Conservative bias
  • Libertarian bias
  • Human bias
  • Bad drivers

And — sigh — some new ones…

  • Veterans Administration Scandal
  • 10 million people on disability
  • 100 million plus unemployed
  • The coming of the Mahdi
  • Abiotic Oil
  • HO41

Eventually I grew weary and dispirited from adding items to this stinking list, especially as it dawned on me that none of the items from my own uniquely personal worry list were actually on the list.

You know, spectacularly worrisome things like pay the bills, headaches at my work, headaches with my significant other, mowing my grass, regular bowel movements, et cetera, ad nauseum.

After this profound (or amateur found) insight penetrated my bonehead, I realized worrying about such lists – global or personal – was an insidious trap. It was a spiraling vortex from which you cannot escape because – wait for it – there is always something new that will be next on the list to worry about even if you manage not to worry about the item on the list you were currently worrying about…

Good lawd – confusing, but I had cracked the code! Simply stop worrying!

Sadly, that is effing impossible. Rather like getting a politician to cut wasteful spending.

Wasteful government spending!!!

Crap – now I have to add that to the list.

I’m going to find a nice quiet place to curl up and worry.


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