Enoch here. An old friend of mine wanted to make a little pitch for his books and — because I’m featured in them — I figured I’d let him post some disjointed and rambling thoughts and see what happens. So here it goes –>
My name is D. Kenton Mellott. I’m the author of the novel Exophobe – which is a work of fiction with science in it. In the book I hardily attempt to be informative, provocative (within the bounds of good taste), entertaining, and funny. Sometimes this works quite well, and sometimes it is an epic fail.
Nonethemuchmoreless, I consider it a worthy effort and – happily – many people who have read the book agree with me. A comfort in my reclining years, lazy boy that I am.
The book is available for digital devices from Apple, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobles and while I myself enjoy said electronic contraptions, I still have a soft spot in my head for hardbound books. Something substantive and real that I can hold in my hand or hurl at the neighbor’s annoying cat.
I’m just kidding.
I’d use a shoe instead.
Anyway, today I am cajoling, pleading, pontificating, and otherwise badgering you to consider buying the hardcover version of the book.
Why should you even consider such a thing? Books, the Tech Elite cry out, are dead.
Well, let me regale you with the multitudinous benefits of the hardcover version of Exophobe.
Reason the first: It is a limited first edition of approximately 2000 copies. Eventually it will be worth more than it is now. Probably just after a virus wipes out all other authors. Be that as it may, it is a quality item and would be a notable addition to any library. I am wearing my solemn look with a face full of veracity.
Reason the second: I’ll personalize and customize the inscription specifically for you. Hey, that might actually increase the value – you never know. Plus, you can make up a really good story about it. I’ll back you up on it.
Reason the third: If an EM pulse wipes out all conventional sources of energy, you’ll have something to start a fire with. Assuming you have some matches or a lighter, or rub sticks like that Bare Grills guy, or whatever his name is…
Reason the fourth: My storage unit costs are killing me and I need to move a few of these damn hardbound books out.
Reason the fifth: Don’t get sucked too deep down the digital technology rabbit hole. Make a statement about the power of the written word. Plus, you can order and pay for the book online. Dang, that sounded better in my head.
Reason the sixth: A lifetime warranty on the dust jacket. Okay, technically not true, but we will send you an extra one if you need it. Assuming I can find one in the storage unit.
Reason the seventh: No batteries required for book operation. Plus, it looks better to actually have books on your bookshelf. Just saying.
Reason the eighth: You can hurl it at the neighbor’s annoying cat.*
Beyond all this nonsense, you can go to the website at www dot exophobe dot com and purchase the book. Plus check out my new book – Exophobic: Making Waves – a completely new adventure featuring the same group of characters from Exophobe.
Go to my website now and get the books(s) ordered before a virus wipes out most of humanity or the machines take over. Or, an asteroid takes us out. Or, whatever…
d kenton mellott
* As per Federal regulations, we are required to state that we do not endorse, encourage, or promote the hurling of books at cats or other animals, unruly or not.