EM: Greetings to Debris From the Wreckage blog subscribers, Net surfers, literary aficionados, as well as all other interested electromagnetic entities. Not up to and including government monitoring agencies.
DKM: Now you sound like a conspiracy theorist.
EM: (Laughs heartily). My name is Enoch Maarduk. I’m here today with D. Kenton Mellott, the author who wrote about my adventures in Exophobe and Exophobic: Making Waves. I usually just call him DKM.
DKM: Among other things…
EM: Well, DKM, tell our reading and listening audience why you started writing.
DKM: I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. Mostly for my own amusement.
EM: You must be easily amused (subdued chuckle).
DKM: Especially by your blog (equally subdued chuckle).
EM: I’ve known you for quite a long time, and you have eclectic tastes in writing. What genre do you prefer?
DKM: Well, E… Can I call you E? (Both laugh). When I said I write for my own amusement, I really mean it. I figure if I enjoy it, then others will as well.
EM: That’s a little bit arrogant.
DKM: (Shrugs). I think every author has to believe in themselves. If you don’t have confidence in the story you’re creating, how in the world will anyone else give a damn about it?
EM: You’re a point maker.
EM: What prompted you to write Exophobe?
DKM: You and I were having dinner at Vitellos…
EM: As I recall, dinner involved several expensive bottles of wine and some Copper Gorillas.
DKM: You said PHANTASM was paying for it.
EM: You said you’d go easy on the wine…
DKM: (Shrugs again). Writing is hard work.
EM: (Coughs humorously). Speaking of writing, for those folks reading this that haven’t yet read your first novel, Exophobe, can you give us a quick synopsis?
DKM: Well, in this book there’s this guy named Enoch Maarduk…
EM: Seems vaguely familiar…
DKM: (Grunts). It’s Friday and he’s too tired to go out partying with his pals…
EM: This must be a work of fiction.
DKM: (Mock scowl). Our hero decides to do a little social networking on the computer, but gets sidetracked by ancient Sumeria and the story of Gilgamesh.
EM: I think it was the Stellas that did the sidetracking.
DKM: Enoch is always trying to figure out a way to make a buck.
EM: Mostly just trying to figure out how to pay rent.
DKM: Are you going to interrupt the entire time?
EM: Only when I can enhance what you’re saying; so, yes, the entire time.
DKM: (Flashes the one finger salute of minimal respect). Enoch, with the Stellas consumed and after stumbling on a graphic about the Electromagnetic (EM) Spectrum, decides the best way to make money is to write about things that can’t be proven or disproven.
DKM: (Pauses, looks at his friend in anticipation). You got nothing?
EM: I’m masticating on future pontifications.
DKM: (Shaking his head). That doesn’t sound altogether sanitary.
EM: Pray, continue. (Gesticulates).
DKM: Enoch decides he can also make money writing about nothing, so he starts to write about electromagnetic entities that live in the EM Spectrum as forms of unconstituted energy.
EM: Hang on, you made that word up.
DKM: Fine. The EM entities live in the Spectrum as energy without corporeal form.
DKM: These entities can be invoked to Earth in human form by the use of high-tech pentacles using computer processors located at the five pentacle points.
EM: (Smiling). You can’t prove any of this.
DKM: (Smirking). Funny guy. Anyway, when these EM entities are invoked to Earth, they are controlled by whoever puts blood (and thus their DNA) into the special pentacle. Plus – to make matters worse – these EM entities have the ability to overlay their brainwave thought patterns onto the minds of other people.
EM: Damn, that sounds serious.
DKM: It is, because the affected person believes they are thinking those thoughts. The good news, however, is that it only impacts people with low levels of intelligence.
EM: Holy crap, humanity is in real trouble then.
DKM: Not really, because Enoch just made all this up. Mostly for the amusement of himself and the people who read his blog. The blog where he posted this ridiculous idea.
EM: Whew! So, nothing to see here, please move along.
DKM: Not so fast Mashed Potato and Gravy Face. It turns out that there is an agency in existence that monitors the EM Spectrum. Make sure no ones uses electromagnetic waves to adversely impact or take advantage of people.
EM: They should arrest most of the people in Hollywood.
DKM: I think you just blew your chance to sell a screenplay.
EM: Whatever. (Shrugs). What’s the name of this agency?
DKM: PHANTASM. Preventing Horrors and Nightmares Through Active Spectrum Monitoring. And they decide to recruit Enoch because the world needs to be saved.
EM: And we did it!
DKM: Are you trying to ruin this interview?
EM: Well, we did, though it was a bit of a close thing.
DKM: No spoilers – people should read the book.
EM: Yes they should. Kirkus Reviews (established 1933) calls it—
“…a sci-fi adventure that keeps both the narrator and the reader on their toes. … this action-packed tale will satisfy readers looking for entertainment with substance.”
Former school teacher and book reviewer Suzanne Yusiw writes–
“If you like your science fiction leavened with humor, brainy wordplay, and a whiff of romance, look into D. Kenton Mellott’s latest novel, Exophobe.”
DKM: You’re making me blush.
EM: (Eyebrows shooting up). I find that hard to believe.
DKM: The book is available in hardcover by ordering though the website www.exophobe.com. Digital versions can be found in the Apple, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobles stores.
EM: You’re not giving it away for free?
DKM: Well, E, it took a year and half to completely write, edit, and get published. Seems only fair I make a little money on the deal. It’s fairly priced and I have bills to pay.
EM: We’re about out of time, but can you give me a quick summation of the second book, Exophobic: Making Waves?
DKM: I was only going to write one novel about your silly ass life at PHANTASM, but it appears people want to know more.
EM: I’m flattered.
DKM: You should be. Anyway – the second book takes place six months after the first and is a completely new story.
EM: So, I don’t really need to read the first book, Exophobe.
DKM: You may be the worst interviewer ever. (Gives EM a jaundiced eye). Of course people need to bloody well read the first book. Did I mention I have bills to pay. (Frowns). Besides, it’s a damn good book.
EM: If you don’t say so yourself.
DKM: Can I finish now?
DKM: As I said, it’s six months later, and Enoch–now CEO of PHANTASM–must join with Phoebe, Dee and the rest of the crew to face some disturbing developments. Such as a virus designed to lower human intelligence; tracking down and finding two new possibly (probably) dangerous, electromagnetic entities (eemees) who entered our world through hi-tech pentacle portals; figure out who hacked into the NSA; and stop whomever (whoever) is responsible for manipulating electromagnetic waves and spreading absolute freaking chaos throughout the digital world. And Enoch thought all he had to worry about was getting married…
EM: I’m still worried about that, by the way.
DKM: E, thanks for giving me this forum and I hope people will read the books.
EM: They really are good. (Nods head). Until next time, E knock out. (Looks at DKM). Get it, “Enoch Out?”
DKM: Yeah, I got it. It was terrible.
EM: (Fading voice). That’s bull. It was funny…