“This book gave me a thousand natural shocks. My outrageous good fortune to read it!”

An anonymous Dane

 

“I had no will to power off my reading device whilst absorbing Exophobe.”

— Friedrich Nietzsche

 

“Phenomenal!”

Martin Heidegger

 

“A good read. Yet, all is nada. Nada I say. I’d rather be hunting.”

— Ernest H.

 

“I would storm the gates of the infernus to get a copy.”

— Durante degli Alighieri

 

“Down the lane in prostrated ulation. Castigated as winds from bipsy bopsy gods. A book is the book of a book. Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.”

— J. Joyce

 

“I will represent myself and say that the author is not wholly rational.”

—A. Schopenhauer

 

“I never liked Baltimore, but I liked Exophobe. You can quoth me on that.”

— E.A.P.

 

In Exophobe, I believe Enoch has found a Fifth Way.

— P.D. Ouspensky

 

I had my doubts at first, but I am now happy with Exophobe, I think…

— Descartes

 

“Reading Exophobe can make you either happy or miserable. The amount of effort required is the same.”

— Carlos Castenada

 

“It felt like I was meant to read this book. I dreamed about it.”

— Jung

 

“I found a typo.”

— an editor potty-trained with a whip

 

“It scared the me out of me.”

— Charles Dickens.

 

“I am so glad I purchased this tome. It was my finest hour.”

— Winston C.

 

“You can’t read it unless you’re conscious, and you can’t be conscious unless you read it.”

— the other Winston (think Orwell)

 

Exophobe drove me to drink. I haven’t thanked the author yet.”

— W.C. Fields

 

“I like this book, but I still hate quantum mechanics.”

— Albert

 

“I was going to pen a wonderful review, but I’m tired and will think about it tomorrow.”

— Margaret Mitchell

 

“It had so many big words!”

— Winnie. A pooh.

 

“On my oath, I enjoyed this book.”

— Hippocrates

 

“It damaged my calm.”

— Jayne

 

“Another bourgeoisie attempt to exploit the proletariat; but I liked it.”

— Karl

 

“Karl is full of crap; I did all the hard work. I liked the book as well.”

— Engels

 

“Veni, vidi, vendor – I came, I saw, I bought a copy.”

— Caesar

 

“You can ‘count’ me in – I liked the book. And pronounce my name correctly!”

— Alexander Dumas

 

“He could have described tables better.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 

“As I read the book, I was at war with my feelings, but now I am at peace.”

— L.T.

 

“I can’t make you do anything, but your mother would want you to read it.”

— Sigmund

 

Hah.

— Enoch M.

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Let’s talk about the ancient fable, “The Hare and the Tortoise.”

Everyone is hopefully familiar with this ancient tale but — for the sake of universal clarity and a shared starting point — I will provide a brief refresher.

The hare is a fast runner. He brags about this speed and teases the tortoise, who is obviously a slow runner. Technically, a non-runner. More of a crawler. The tortoise finally tires of the incessant teasing (bullying, if you will) and challenges the hare to a race. The fox is chosen to select the course. The hare loses the race because he takes a nap and awakes too late to beat the tortoise to the finish line.

While this is attributed to Aesop, the general thematic ideas and concepts no doubt predate him. It is a tale which speaks of the true nature of human being and has origins that are very ancient. The real meaning of this fable is hidden and not as easy to discern as one might think.

What kind of hidden meaning? Good question.

The most widely held conclusion about the fable is the expression that, “slow and steady wins the race.” This is the obvious and most easily attainable interpretation.

Fables are devilishly intricate things, as they are always meant to portray the multi-layered complexity of human behavior.

This fable is particularly delightful in that regard.

While his fable — on the surface — does illustrate the general idea that persistence wins out in the end, this theme is NOT the main (hidden) idea.

This fable is a story of our individual human nature, and the internal struggles which must of necessity arise within each of us as we attempt to achieve significant results in our lives – that is to say, to win the race of living. Well, at least run it well. What constitutes “winning” is a subject for another diatribe — right now we will simply talk about this fable.

Aesop existed circa 620 to 554 BCE – that’s over 2500 years ago for those of us (including me) not good with math. Even back then, however, there was a recognition that humans possessed differing levels of intelligence.

Pythagoras, a contemporary to Aesop, believed that humans found at the Olympic Games could be classified into three categories or types – the lowest type were those who were seekers of pleasure and fame, the competitors. The next highest type were those who sought to benefit from buying and selling of goods, and the highest type were the lovers of wisdom, who came to observe the games.

Siddhartha Gautama would have been an approximate contemporary to Aesop, as he lived from 563 to 483 BCE. His ideas of the “threefold training” and the division of human being into Mind, Virtue, and Wisdom are compatible to those of Pythagoras.

Even older traditions were developed in Vedic (Indian) thought, such as Chapter 14 of the Bhagavad Gita, where the discussion concerns the “The Three Qualities of Material Nature” – which are ignorance, passion, and goodness.

If you examine the ontogenetic unfolding of our neurological system during fetal development, the human brain is clearly delineated into three distinct sections (Rhombencephalon, Mesencephalon, Telencephalon) – for the sake of illustrative brevity and as a simple tool for reference, we will label these the reptilian, mammalian, and distinctly human sections of the threefold neurological continuum.

While a more scientific rendition of this is called for (and exists in explication) you must — for this particular exposition — grant me the boon of accepting this structure as valid. Besides, using all those big words gives me a headache.

Our human being is a threefold continuum, and most of us exist within the realm of one of the triune parts of this continuum – it is the rare individual who can synthesize all three levels and emerge as an integrated human.

That is the fable’s true meaning.

The hare is that part of our human nature which is the lowest. It is pure physicality. The only thoughts at this level are survival and reproduction. The hare is the perfect symbol, as the reproductive capacities of that creature are legend; and its speed permits it to survive in the wild. But the hare has no other attribute worthy of consideration – the only thing it (he) can do is boast about the one thing he can do well – and this is not even a learned trait, it is a genetic trait – speed of foot. We won’t mention breeding prowess, but that is also innate and not acquired.

But even the genetic trait of speed is only of value if it is properly used.

It is no accident in the fable that the fox selects the course where the race will be run.

The fox has — symbolically — always represented social cunning and thinking skills designed to benefit one’s self.

If we regard the fox as the social part of our own human nature, it is that aspect which must select the course upon which we are to race with our own lives – and here the story gets a little more complex.

If we are rely solely on our genetic abilities alone (without contemplative introspection), we would always pick a course that suited our lowest nature, and such a decision — though the easiest by way of effort — would represent a minimal accomplishment. In the fable the hare was always teasing the tortoise about its lack of speed – only someone of low intelligence and minimal skills would belabor the obvious – what accomplishment is it for a hare to beat a tortoise anyway? They would win that race every time, without a doubt.

It is the natural inclination of humans to denigrate their genetic abilities though idleness and indolence – this happens if you allow the hare-aspect of your human nature to predominate.

The tortoise-aspect represents our wisdom and adaptability — it must not only subtly guide the fox-aspect in selecting a course most well-suited to our individual nature, but make the hare-aspect of our human being apply itself to achieving meaningful results. The hare-aspect represents our raw abilities, and the tortoise-aspect is the will and perseverance that puts those raw abilities to use in a manner that the fox-aspect helps devise within the world of our social reality.

However, even here the road is fraught with danger, for just as a heavy reliance on the hare-aspect will lead to bad results, a heavy reliance on the fox-aspect will lead to a result that is beneficial to the self, but without regard to the impact on others. It is only the guiding hand of the tortoise-aspect – the thoughtful and self-conscious “application” of will in reality, with an understanding of how all humans are linked — that helps the fox-aspect select the proper course upon which the hare-aspect — now being forced to actually apply itself — can unify with the other parts of human nature to achieve success.

And there you have it.

My hare nature wants a nap, my tortoise nature needs to mow the grass, and my fox nature wants you to buy a copy of my book, Exophobe.

Maybe I just need a drink…

— Enoch

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Most people love cats or dogs. Maybe birds.

Shoot, even reptiles. Snakes. Hamsters. Gerbils. (Seriously, gerbils?)

I love the dung beetle.

I know, it just seems so wrong. I think the immediate response of most people has to be “huh,” or some more colorful derivation thereof.

A great many people simply stare at me blank-faced and ask, “why?”

Good question.

Let me slip on my pointy pontificating hat and ponder.

Pause for just a wavering moment and contemplate what the dung beetle accomplishes.

It takes what we regard as an absolutely repellent by-product of living (e.g., scat, poop, excrement, fecal matter, sh*t) and instead of stepping gingerly around it and moving on, the dung beetle labors feverishly to accumulate, organize into a spherical shape and roll the “fruits of its labor” back to his or her abode.

Where the dung beetle uses said ball of smelly goo to feed and raise its young. Thereby allowing the lowly dung beetle to replicate, survive, and subdue its world.

The dung beetle is an awesome role model.

Here’s why –>

Think about how much crap all of us deal with on a daily basis.

It might come from our boss, from our clients, from our co-workers, from our spouse, from our friends, from our relatives, from our Internet social media “followers,” from mainstream media, from non-mainstream media.

Generally, from the Cosmos as a whole.

In fact, someone, somewhere, at one time went full frontal dung beetle and made a lot of money with a simple bumper sticker that merely states the dung beetle motto – “Sh*t Happens.” For the sake of a more genteel discussion, we will use the less offensive term “poo” so as not to offend the Internet’s automated word censors.

Having reflected on the success of the dung beetle, I am immensely happy that poo happens.

Poo gives us opportunities – in life for sure, but especially in business. It doesn’t matter whether you are in business for yourself, or are an employee of another. The poo of someone else is your opportunity to make yourself useful and valuable, because you can step in, locate the client’s or employer’s poo, organize it, shape it into a nice little ball, and roll it away.

Best of all – you get paid for dealing with their poo.

The next time poo happens to you – regardless of the source – make a careful evaluation of how you can turn a disgusting by-product of living into something useful and valuable.

Never be afraid to implement a solution that others seem doubtful about.

The ensuing success may just surprise the poo out of you.

Oh, and please buy a copy of Exophobe, my novel, which is sort of my ball of poo. Hmm… That doesn’t sound altogether right — but go read it!!!

–E

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EM: Greetings to Debris From the Wreckage blog subscribers, Net surfers, literary aficionados, as well as all other interested electromagnetic entities. Not up to and including government monitoring agencies.

DKM: Now you sound like a conspiracy theorist.

EM: (Laughs heartily). My name is Enoch Maarduk. I’m here today with D. Kenton Mellott, the author who wrote about my adventures in Exophobe and Exophobic: Making Waves. I usually just call him DKM.

DKM: Among other things…

EM: Well, DKM, tell our reading and listening audience why you started writing.

DKM: I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. Mostly for my own amusement.

EM: You must be easily amused (subdued chuckle).

DKM: Especially by your blog (equally subdued chuckle).

EM: I’ve known you for quite a long time, and you have eclectic tastes in writing. What genre do you prefer?

DKM: Well, E… Can I call you E? (Both laugh). When I said I write for my own amusement, I really mean it. I figure if I enjoy it, then others will as well.

EM: That’s a little bit arrogant.

DKM: (Shrugs). I think every author has to believe in themselves. If you don’t have confidence in the story you’re creating, how in the world will anyone else give a damn about it?

EM: You’re a point maker.

DKM: Sometimes…

EM: What prompted you to write Exophobe?

DKM: You and I were having dinner at Vitellos…

EM: As I recall, dinner involved several expensive bottles of wine and some Copper Gorillas.

DKM: You said PHANTASM was paying for it.

EM: You said you’d go easy on the wine…

DKM: (Shrugs again). Writing is hard work.

EM: (Coughs humorously). Speaking of writing, for those folks reading this that haven’t yet read your first novel, Exophobe, can you give us a quick synopsis?

DKM: Well, in this book there’s this guy named Enoch Maarduk…

EM: Seems vaguely familiar…

DKM: (Grunts). It’s Friday and he’s too tired to go out partying with his pals…

EM: This must be a work of fiction.

DKM: (Mock scowl). Our hero decides to do a little social networking on the computer, but gets sidetracked by ancient Sumeria and the story of Gilgamesh.

EM: I think it was the Stellas that did the sidetracking.

DKM: Enoch is always trying to figure out a way to make a buck.

EM: Mostly just trying to figure out how to pay rent.

DKM: Are you going to interrupt the entire time?

EM: Only when I can enhance what you’re saying; so, yes, the entire time.

DKM: (Flashes the one finger salute of minimal respect). Enoch, with the Stellas consumed and after stumbling on a graphic about the Electromagnetic (EM) Spectrum, decides the best way to make money is to write about things that can’t be proven or disproven.

DKM: (Pauses, looks at his friend in anticipation). You got nothing?

EM: I’m masticating on future pontifications.

DKM: (Shaking his head). That doesn’t sound altogether sanitary.

EM: Pray, continue. (Gesticulates).

DKM: Enoch decides he can also make money writing about nothing, so he starts to write about electromagnetic entities that live in the EM Spectrum as forms of unconstituted energy.

EM: Hang on, you made that word up.

DKM: Fine. The EM entities live in the Spectrum as energy without corporeal form.

EM: Better.

DKM: These entities can be invoked to Earth in human form by the use of high-tech pentacles using computer processors located at the five pentacle points.

EM: (Smiling). You can’t prove any of this.

DKM: (Smirking). Funny guy. Anyway, when these EM entities are invoked to Earth, they are controlled by whoever puts blood (and thus their DNA) into the special pentacle. Plus – to make matters worse – these EM entities have the ability to overlay their brainwave thought patterns onto the minds of other people.

EM: Damn, that sounds serious.

DKM: It is, because the affected person believes they are thinking those thoughts. The good news, however, is that it only impacts people with low levels of intelligence.

EM: Holy crap, humanity is in real trouble then.

DKM: Not really, because Enoch just made all this up. Mostly for the amusement of himself and the people who read his blog. The blog where he posted this ridiculous idea.

EM: Whew! So, nothing to see here, please move along.

DKM: Not so fast Mashed Potato and Gravy Face. It turns out that there is an agency in existence that monitors the EM Spectrum. Make sure no ones uses electromagnetic waves to adversely impact or take advantage of people.

EM: They should arrest most of the people in Hollywood.

DKM: I think you just blew your chance to sell a screenplay.

EM: Whatever. (Shrugs). What’s the name of this agency?

DKM: PHANTASM. Preventing Horrors and Nightmares Through Active Spectrum Monitoring. And they decide to recruit Enoch because the world needs to be saved.

EM: And we did it!

DKM: Are you trying to ruin this interview?

EM: Well, we did, though it was a bit of a close thing.

DKM: No spoilers – people should read the book.

EM: Yes they should. Kirkus Reviews (established 1933) calls it—

“…a sci-fi adventure that keeps both the narrator and the reader on their toes. … this action-packed tale will satisfy readers looking for entertainment with substance.”

Former school teacher and book reviewer Suzanne Yusiw writes–

“If you like your science fiction leavened with humor, brainy wordplay, and a whiff of romance, look into D. Kenton Mellott’s latest novel, Exophobe.”

DKM: You’re making me blush.

EM: (Eyebrows shooting up). I find that hard to believe.

DKM: The book is available in hardcover by ordering though the website www.exophobe.com. Digital versions can be found in the Apple, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobles stores.

EM: You’re not giving it away for free?

DKM: Well, E, it took a year and half to completely write, edit, and get published. Seems only fair I make a little money on the deal. It’s fairly priced and I have bills to pay.

EM: We’re about out of time, but can you give me a quick summation of the second book, Exophobic: Making Waves?

DKM: I was only going to write one novel about your silly ass life at PHANTASM, but it appears people want to know more.

EM: I’m flattered.

DKM: You should be. Anyway – the second book takes place six months after the first and is a completely new story.

EM: So, I don’t really need to read the first book, Exophobe.

DKM: You may be the worst interviewer ever. (Gives EM a jaundiced eye). Of course people need to bloody well read the first book. Did I mention I have bills to pay. (Frowns). Besides, it’s a damn good book.

EM: If you don’t say so yourself.

DKM: Can I finish now?

EM: Hurry…

DKM: As I said, it’s six months later, and Enoch–now CEO of PHANTASM–must join with Phoebe, Dee and the rest of the crew to face some disturbing developments. Such as a virus designed to lower human intelligence; tracking down and finding two new possibly (probably) dangerous, electromagnetic entities (eemees) who entered our world through hi-tech pentacle portals; figure out who hacked into the NSA; and stop whomever (whoever) is responsible for manipulating electromagnetic waves and spreading absolute freaking chaos throughout the digital world. And Enoch thought all he had to worry about was getting married…

EM: I’m still worried about that, by the way.

DKM: E, thanks for giving me this forum and I hope people will read the books.

EM: They really are good. (Nods head). Until next time, E knock out. (Looks at DKM). Get it, “Enoch Out?”

DKM: Yeah, I got it. It was terrible.

EM: (Fading voice). That’s bull. It was funny…

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Enoch here. An old friend of mine wanted to make a little pitch for his books and — because I’m featured in them — I figured I’d let him post some disjointed and rambling thoughts and see what happens. So here it goes –>

________________________________________________

My name is D. Kenton Mellott. I’m the author of the novel Exophobe – which is a work of fiction with science in it. In the book I hardily attempt to be informative, provocative (within the bounds of good taste), entertaining, and funny. Sometimes this works quite well, and sometimes it is an epic fail.

Nonethemuchmoreless, I consider it a worthy effort and – happily – many people who have read the book agree with me. A comfort in my reclining years, lazy boy that I am.

The book is available for digital devices from Apple, Amazon, and Barnes & Nobles and while I myself enjoy said electronic contraptions, I still have a soft spot in my head for hardbound books. Something substantive and real that I can hold in my hand or hurl at the neighbor’s annoying cat.

I’m just kidding.

I’d use a shoe instead.

Anyway, today I am cajoling, pleading, pontificating, and otherwise badgering you to consider buying the hardcover version of the book.

Why should you even consider such a thing? Books, the Tech Elite cry out, are dead.

Well, let me regale you with the multitudinous benefits of the hardcover version of Exophobe.

Reason the first: It is a limited first edition of approximately 2000 copies. Eventually it will be worth more than it is now. Probably just after a virus wipes out all other authors. Be that as it may, it is a quality item and would be a notable addition to any library. I am wearing my solemn look with a face full of veracity.

Reason the second: I’ll personalize and customize the inscription specifically for you. Hey, that might actually increase the value – you never know. Plus, you can make up a really good story about it. I’ll back you up on it.

Reason the third: If an EM pulse wipes out all conventional sources of energy, you’ll have something to start a fire with. Assuming you have some matches or a lighter, or rub sticks like that Bare Grills guy, or whatever his name is…

Reason the fourth: My storage unit costs are killing me and I need to move a few of these damn hardbound books out.

Reason the fifth: Don’t get sucked too deep down the digital technology rabbit hole. Make a statement about the power of the written word. Plus, you can order and pay for the book online. Dang, that sounded better in my head.

Reason the sixth: A lifetime warranty on the dust jacket. Okay, technically not true, but we will send you an extra one if you need it. Assuming I can find one in the storage unit.

Reason the seventh: No batteries required for book operation. Plus, it looks better to actually have books on your bookshelf. Just saying.

Reason the eighth: You can hurl it at the neighbor’s annoying cat.*

Beyond all this nonsense, you can go to the website at www dot exophobe dot com and purchase the book. Plus check out my new book – Exophobic: Making Waves – a completely new adventure featuring the same group of characters from Exophobe.

Go to my website now and get the books(s) ordered before a virus wipes out most of humanity or the machines take over. Or, an asteroid takes us out. Or, whatever…

Thanks !!!

d kenton mellott

 

* As per Federal regulations, we are required to state that we do not endorse, encourage, or promote the hurling of books at cats or other animals, unruly or not.

 

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exophobe_cover

Okay, today I am going to do my best to promote my book, Exophobe.

I hope the comments below motivates you to the point of action, with that action being going to the Exophobe website.

Think excellent book and a free T-shirt. Plus, I’ll name a character after you in my next book.

Okay, that last bit is a lie, but the other stuff is true…

Check out what these fine readers have to say ➡ –>

 

William Pullin —

A great addition to my home library! I don’t read very much fiction, but this work was well worth the exception. Looking forward to the next literary journey…

 

Keith M Green —

Reading this book often caused annoyance. Mostly because I would dive into the creative and thought provoking world of Exophobe on an early morning train ride and subsequently find myself confronted with sultry looks from haggard faces as my laughter pierced the hypnagogia of their commute to work. So, if you do read this, make sure you’re not in a library. A rambling adventure that casually struts the tight rope of cohesive writing and a tangent filled flustercluck, this book has just the right blend of wit, charm and mystery to keep you guessing and guffawing at a rapid pace. The story follows a Enoch, a regular guy through an international conspiracy concerning a number of secret organisations and touches on ideas surrounding aliens, arcane magick and the occult. A mixture of chaotic internal monologues, good ol’ (and new) fashioned sci-fi concepts and glimpsing phrases of truth and meaning, ‘Exophobe’ delights and excites with a twist at every turn and a writing style that not only captures the reality of human thought and group dynamics, but tops it off with a more than a pinch of humour. Like a lot more. Seriously. There were so many puns in this book that even me (who enjoys a lot of punishment (get it?)) got a bit annoyed at the protagonist making so many jokes, but hey, being someone who often does/attempts to do the same, I’d have my pants on fire if I said I’d never pissed anyone off by making a joke an inappropriate moment, so all in all it added to the realism of the characters. That was definitely one thing that I thought D. Kenton Mellott really had down, the characters were truly 3 dimensional (even the ones that didn’t exist in the physical world) and it added a tasty layer of reality to this novel work of fiction. Combine that with a decent plot that builds to a tingling climax through compound meaning and the result is a thoroughly enjoyable adventure with the pages set to pun. All in all a great read, lots of jokes, good story arc, cool aliens and enough sexual tension to make you blush. Just what you want from a sci-fi.

 

Margaret V

Hello Sir! I just wanted to share with you that this book is one of my favorite books ever. The imagery, detail, diction, all of it was flawless to me. I stumbled upon this book in a small out-of-the-way bookstore and I am so glad I did. I can’t explain it, but I really connect with this book in ways I haven’t before. So thank you for Exophobe.

 

Jeremy

This has easily become one of my favorite books of all time. I can’t wait for the next one! The style of writing is unique, entertaining, and highly immersive. Any passerby that witnessed my reading of the book would have surely thought me to be a raving lunatic. Often I would burst out with laughter and in return receive strange looks. I will recommend this book to everyone I know!

 

Mike Wilson

I bought the book at Dallas Comic Con and just started reading it last night. It kept me up all night, and now I have not been productive at work today. Thank you.

Julie M. Coffey

I finished your book, Exophobe, and I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed it completely. As your reader, I couldn’t help but imagine Enoch to be you, so now you have some special powers in my mind! As a writer, you forced me to slow down my reading so that I would catch the subtle wit and clever twists that you included. There were no periods where the action dragged along, and the characters were sympathetic and realistic. Most of my reading was done in airports, so I want you to know that I held the book up high where other travelers could get a good look at the cover/title and maybe search for it. I am anxiously awaiting the next book, so put me on your email list and let me know when and where I can buy it.

 

Angela Bullock

I started reading your book last night. Thanks for keeping me up until the rooster crowed. Not a real rooster, mind you, but you get the picture. I met you for a brief yet enjoyable moment at Dallas Comic Con on Saturday. You, sir, are a character! Thank you for taking the time to tell me about the book and pique my interest. I shall post my overall impressions of the story soon.. most likely tomorrow. I have a LOT of coffee on hand.

 

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I have a love-hate-hate relationship with technology.

They (the same nefarious bunch that always promises to build Utopia) told us that technology would make our lives easier. Better. More fulfilling. Simplify things.

What a crock of womanure (trying to be gender-sensitive here).

How about some examples? Glad you bloody asked. Let’s talk email.

Like a lot of people, I maintain a number of different email addresses. Some are for family, some are for team sports, some are for friends, some are for business, some are for quasi-anonymous blog communications, some are for Internet commerce, et cetera, et cetera. I won’t deny the utility and helpfulness of it all. However, lately it has become a huge pain in my gluteus maximus.

I mean, just dealing with my normal, regular and expected email is time consuming. Open it, read it, ponder it, usually respond and act on it. Tiring. And that’s just the stuff you want to read, that’s not counting the stuff you have to wade through and get rid of…

Let’s talk *SPAM* — no matter how elaborate I try to construct my filters and safeguards, I get inundated with a ceaseless stream of junk mail. If every piece of email that managed to sneak past my breastworks actually did what it said, I would have my mortgage paid off, be listed prominently in Who’s Who, be more incredible in the sack, be the proud owner of hundreds of stocks which quadrupled my money, own half of Nigeria, be living without pain of any kind, be thinner, have more energy and hair and whatever ad nauseum ad infinitum. Puke.

I spend WAY too much time highlighting and deleting crap emails. You can block the sender or domain but – guess what – the SPAMMERS rotate those more than the NSA changes passwords. Email addresses are like Chinese products – cheap and plentiful.

Oh, and here’s some more great news – companies want to ramp up automation and AI, which only means you’ll get more of this crap because it’s easier to generate from the sender’s end. Just set a few parameters and let the blasted machines churn and burn.

Enough with SPAM — let me rant on legitimate sites where you actually buy something useful. Now – hidden in the effing fine print, is the fact that by purchasing that “had to freaking have” item, you are automatically subscribed to the site’s newsletter. And, oh by the way, we also sell/give our subscriber lists to other companies with products we just know you’ll love {insert sincere smile here}. Sigh.

I do have a hateful admiration for some of these businesses – they have automated algorithms that are as utterly relentless as a Terminator cyborg. They will not stop until you buy something. Or you die and get removed from the list server.

Of course, you can unsubscribe. Just means they will send you MORE emails, hoping one of them will work. It’s not a shotgun approach, it’s frelling carpet bombing.

Then – even worse – there are hackers who send you things and WANT YOU to click the “unsubscribe” button, which unleashes gawd knows what evil script, key-logger program, or Trojan jackass to invade the sanctity of your system.

Don’t even get me started on Phishing and Scamming deals.

Fug – I’m headed to the Post Office to buy some damn stamps…

–E

P.S. Next post, we go off on text messages! Look for an e-alert. Hah.

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I play baseball. Amateur (i.e., unpaid). Fast pitch. I know, it’s nuts, but there you have it.

Anyway, I’m heading out to the game and it’s across town. I’m on the highway (The Loop) and proceeding at terminal speed, which is 65 in this case.

Hang on, maybe “terminal” and “speed” should not be used in the same sentence, especially the way most people drive.

The highway is crowded because — well — it’s always crowded. People are driving 65 and 65 plus. Mostly plus, truth be told.

I begin thinking. A dangerous habit I fell into many years ago and from which extraction seems impossible. Like a tooth in the back of my head. Sorry.

I’m wondering how in the name of Vishnu, G_d, Allah, Zeus or any other deity you care to conjure does this highway driving thing even work?! It seems like it is a catastrophic event awaiting activation.

I mean – stop to ponder the situation for just a cold, clinical, detached moment – you have whizzing and hurling hunks of metal weighing close to two tons — or more — flashing by on all sides — doing the whizzing and hurtling at a startling (if you stop to ponder it) close proximity of around 5 to 6 feet or so.

And the only thing separating their car from careening madly into yours is a line.

A line PAINTED on the freaking pavement.

This whole damn highway thing ONLY works if everyone honors the lines. Sure, it’s only paint, but it might as well be invisible because it only functions if everyone believes in it. Trusts it, endorses it. Has faith in it.

The only way such high-speed driving functions smoothly is the absolute belief of all the drivers that the lines will be honored. Each driver must trust the other.

The American Government works the same way. Well, it’s supposed to…

The invisible lines for our society – for all of us living in America—should be the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights.

Just like that simple paint on the highway, those documents are only printed words on pieces of paper. They have no magical reality beyond what people grant to them. And — yet — by entrusting our faith in those words, a great country was born.

What happens – however – when certain groups of people decide NOT to honor the lines?

Imagine the utter chaos that would ensue on the highway if there were drivers that ignored the lines and steered their vehicle anyway they wanted, without regard for others. The only choice in direction such drivers cared would be their own — your choices would be rendered meaningless and ignored. It would be very bad. Catastrophic indeed.

Imagine an American Government that ignores the lines and steers in any fashion it wants to without regard for anyone’s choice — then you have a much worse form of chaos.

That is because the vast majority of citizens are still using those aforementioned lines as guidance – they are honoring the invisible lines — the words of those documents — the ones that link us as Americans. When they see the Government driving haphazardly – without using the lines – there is confusion, anger, dismay.

If someone ignores the painted lines on the highway, there are consequences. There are law enforcement agencies who will pull your car over and stop you. Or, you may die in a fiery crash. Despite what Leftist-Marxist-Socialist-Progressive people want you to believe, bad choices must yield bad consequences. There is a price to pay for bad decisions — you cannot be constantly bailed out.

It’s called responsibility, integrity, honor.

Who is going to pull the Government over and stop them before they crash into citizens still honoring the invisible lines of American society? Who guards the guardians, as it were?

American functions as a cohesive society because we have a belief in ourselves and others. We trust each other in societal interactions, just as drivers trust each other on the highway. Even an atheist has to have faith in the invisible lines that provide guidance for the conduct of American affairs. When that belief falters because our leaders ignore the lines or try to redraw the lines without our consent, then we have a chaos that is not easily mended.

Without belief and faith there is no positive human action because individuals give way to despair and resignation.

Perhaps this is what the Ruling Elite desires. Citizens despair and resign. They stop driving. The roads are clear. Government can then drive anyway it wants, using any lines it wants. That is true tyranny.

The belief that the lines formed by the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights is the fundamental truth of America is critical to our continued success as a nation.

If that belief is lost, then America is lost. This is a nation built on belief in self — and others. Mistrust, retribution, dictatorship, and fear is not what we want.

If you put your faith in something and say, “I believe,” then make absolutely sure it is a belief in the right thing. Not the lies that is often held out as truth by a State that lusts only for power and control.

Honor the invisible lines which hold us together, or suffer the tyranny of others who have no such belief.

See you on the highway!

–E

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Many of the people I have interacted with lately have been commenting about me (sometimes to my face and sometimes not) on what a grumpy, grouchy, cantankerous bass turd I have become.

I stopped — paused — the other day to ponder this development, and to consider what has caused this predicament. I have certainly not always been this way — I want to understand the process that has transformed me from a friendly and generally lighthearted soul into a sullen and ill-tempered lump of curmudgeon-like flesh.

I worry too much.

Having come to this conclusion, I decided to make a list.

In retrospect, this was (is) another in a long line of spectacularly bad decisions, but I’ll trudge on with this story none-the-freaking-less.

So, I started to contemplate and ruminate about what worries and upsets me – things that fill my mind with dread, anxiety, irritation and all manner of vexating thoughts.

Yeah, I know “vexating” is not a word – sue me…

One vital note – the items on this list are in no particular order of priority or importance; I simply jotted things down as they occurred to me. At any one time – based on the media news cycles, individual moods, and sunspot activity, items may rise to the top or sink to the bottom.

Kind of like my attitude.

Anyway, here is the list of things I worry about —

  • NSA and other unauthorized government spying on citizens
  • ISIS terror group
  • MERS virus
  • Ebola virus
  • Avian (bird) flu
  • Viruses, in general
  • Allergens
  • Socialism
  • Marxism
  • Communism
  • -isms, in general
  • Progressives
  • Takeover of the Health Care Industry by a centralized government
  • Education reform by a centralized government
  • Global warming – fact or nonsense?
  • Possible economic meltdown and devaluation of dollar
  • The Federal Reserve’s control of the dollar and the economy
  • IRS Scandal
  • The IRS, in general
  • Benghazi possible cover-up
  • North Korea and possible use of nukes
  • Iran and possible use of nukes
  • Pakistan and possible use of nukes
  • Use of nukes, in general
  • People seeking world domination
  • Afghanistan
  • Russia and Ukraine
  • Russia, anywhere
  • Chinese economy passing America in size
  • Can we trust the Chinese?
  • Manufactured racism
  • Real racism
  • Reverse racism
  • Middle East tension between Islam and Judaism
  • Syria and chemical weapons
  • Chemical weapons, in general
  • Hatred between Arabs and Persians
  • Extreme weakness of economies in Greece, Spain, Portugal, France, et cetera…
  • Spread of Islamic terror
  • Muslims in American government
  • Intelligence level in America on the decline
  • Bad Hollywood movies
  • Abortion out of control
  • US Border not secure
  • Honeybees dying
  • Bad line calls
  • NASA NEO (Near Earth Objects) colliding with Earth
  • Yellowstone Caldera
  • Volcanoes, in general
  • Nigeria
  • Africa, in general
  • Drug cartels
  • Rise in synthetic drugs
  • Targeted genetic weapons
  • Low interest rates
  • Fire ants, mosquitoes, scorpions, and brown recluse spiders
  • Illegal and Undocumented Workers
  • Benefits paid to illegal aliens which they did not earn
  • Political Corruption
  • Politics, in general
  • Government Fraud and Waste
  • Crony Capitalism
  • Drones
  • Bureau of Land Management land grab
  • Environmental Protection Agency water grab
  • Food & Drug Administration food grab
  • Excessive taxation – city, state, federal
  • Legalization of drugs
  • Rise in prescription drug abuse
  • Online Gambling
  • Stagnant economic growth
  • Massive unemployment
  • Even more massive unemployment among certain demographic groups
  • College graduates with no jobs
  • College graduates moving back home with mom & dad
  • Toll Roads
  • The Pope wanting to redistribute “benefits”
  • Fanatics of any ilk
  • Federal government control of Internet
  • Federal government control of News Media
  • Federal government, in general
  • Censorship
  • FEMA camps
  • Ceding US sovereignty to the United Nations
  • The United Nations, in general
  • Wasted billions on supposed green energy
  • Sunspot activity and solar flares
  • Changes in the Earth’s magnetic poles
  • Artificial Intelligence and Rise of the Machines
  • Federal government cannot seem to tell the truth
  • Mainstream media does not seem to care about the truth
  • Truth, in general
  • Breakdown of the basic family structure
  • Gun control
  • Sexual Orientation crisis
  • Fluoride
  • Rapidly rising food costs
  • Half the population on food stamps
  • Fast & Furious gun running
  • Gun running in the Middle East
  • Malaysia flight 370
  • Detroit bankrupt
  • Other US cities following Detroit
  • Chicago violence
  • Union corruption
  • Tenure
  • Liberal bias
  • Conservative bias
  • Libertarian bias
  • Human bias
  • Bad drivers

And — sigh — some new ones…

  • Veterans Administration Scandal
  • 10 million people on disability
  • 100 million plus unemployed
  • The coming of the Mahdi
  • Abiotic Oil
  • HAARP
  • DARPA
  • HO41

Eventually I grew weary and dispirited from adding items to this stinking list, especially as it dawned on me that none of the items from my own uniquely personal worry list were actually on the list.

You know, spectacularly worrisome things like pay the bills, headaches at my work, headaches with my significant other, mowing my grass, regular bowel movements, et cetera, ad nauseum.

After this profound (or amateur found) insight penetrated my bonehead, I realized worrying about such lists – global or personal – was an insidious trap. It was a spiraling vortex from which you cannot escape because – wait for it – there is always something new that will be next on the list to worry about even if you manage not to worry about the item on the list you were currently worrying about…

Good lawd – confusing, but I had cracked the code! Simply stop worrying!

Sadly, that is effing impossible. Rather like getting a politician to cut wasteful spending.

Wasteful government spending!!!

Crap – now I have to add that to the list.

I’m going to find a nice quiet place to curl up and worry.

–Enoch

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I originally posted this quite sometime back, but upon finding it in the archives, I am once again enamored with the idea and concepts it holds.

The Code of the West

  • Don’t inquire into a person’s past. Take the measure of a man for what he is today.
  • Never steal another man’s horse. A horse thief pays with his life.
  • Defend yourself whenever necessary.
  • Look out for your own.
  • Remove your guns before sitting at the dining table.
  • Never order anything weaker than whiskey.
  • Don’t make a threat without expecting dire consequences.
  • Never pass anyone on the trail without saying “Howdy”.
  • When approaching someone from behind, give a loud greeting before you get within shooting range.
  • Don’t wave at a man on a horse, as it might spook the horse. A nod is the proper greeting.
  • After you pass someone on the trail, don’t look back at him. It implies you don’t trust him.
  • Riding another man’s horse without his permission is nearly as bad as making love to his wife. Never even bother another man’s horse.
  • Always fill your whiskey glass to the brim.
  • A cowboy doesn’t talk much; he saves his breath for breathing.
  • No matter how weary and hungry you are after a long day in the saddle, always tend to your horse’s needs before your own, and get your horse some feed before you eat.
  • Cuss all you want, but only around men, horses and cows.
  • Complain about the cooking and you become the cook.
  • Always drink your whiskey with your gun hand, to show your friendly intentions.
  • Do not practice ingratitude.
  • A cowboy is pleasant even when out of sorts. Complaining is what quitters do, and cowboys hate quitters.
  • Always be courageous. Cowards aren’t tolerated in any outfit worth its salt.
  • A cowboy always helps someone in need, even a stranger or an enemy.
  • Never try on another man’s hat.
  • Be hospitable to strangers. Anyone who wanders in, including an enemy, is welcome at the dinner table. The same was true for riders who joined cowboys on the range.
  • Give your enemy a fighting chance.
  • Never wake another man by shaking or touching him, as he might wake suddenly and shoot you.
  • Real cowboys are modest. A braggert who is “all gurgle and no guts” is not tolerated.
  • Be there for a friend when he needs you.
  • Drinking on duty is grounds for instant dismissal and blacklisting.
  • A cowboy is loyal to his “brand,” to his friends, and those he rides with.
  • Never shoot an unarmed or unwarned enemy. This was also known as “the rattlesnake code”: always warn before you strike. However, if a man was being stalked, this could be ignored.
  • Never shoot a woman no matter what.
  • Consideration for others is central to the code, such as: Don’t stir up dust around the chuckwagon, don’t wake up the wrong man for herd duty, etc.
  • Respect the land and the environment by not smoking in hazardous fire areas, disfiguring rocks, trees, or other natural areas.
  • Honesty is absolute – your word is your bond, a handshake is more binding than a contract.
  • Live by the Golden Rule.
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